Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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