I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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