i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
