More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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