My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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