porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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