I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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