Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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