On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize