I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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