I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
