I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
