I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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