I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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