I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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