OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize