I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
