I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
