theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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