love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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