that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
