So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
