haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
