im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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