She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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