i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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