I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
