I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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