Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
