there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
