whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
