My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
