im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
