i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
