i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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