U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
