I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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