Only a mothe r could love this liver
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
