Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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