great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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