I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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