He kissed a someone with a penis
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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