I'm eating all of the evidence.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize