I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need a beard to bite.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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