brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
