Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
this hospital has no fireball
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
