i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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