he puts the penis in happiness.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
be right there i have to get my cape
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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