Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
