its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
