Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
