using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think my mom watched the whole time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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