I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
