The maid of honor just puked.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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