thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
