You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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