Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
