Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize