How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
