At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
