can we get nightvision for the apartment?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
