I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
