you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know her cup size but not her name....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
