Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
