I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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