Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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