Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
