you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
