how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
