we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Me. At least after what I've been through.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
