he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
