You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
