After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize