I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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