It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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