So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
